Thrift Store Lessons

Yesterday, I wanted to go thrifting, so after work I drove over to our local Volunteers of America (because it's bigger, cleaner, better organized, and less smelly than Goodwill.) When I stopped at the stop light where I needed to turn, there was a creepy clown outside, holding a sign that said "Volunteers of America 50% Off." The parking lot was the fullest I've ever seen it, but when I was in there, there was a sign up about one color tag being 50% off and another be 75% off. So I wanted to make sure the clown had not mislead me into believing everything was 50% off, which resulted in having the following conversation with the nice lady running the checkout.

Me: Is everything 50% off?

Lady (emphatically): NO. We do this every last Tuesday. When you flip your calendar over, find the last Tuesday and mark on it Volunteers of America 50% Off Day.

Me: ... So, everything is 50% off today.

Lady (like it's obvious): Yes. And every other day this month anything with these colored tags is on sale. If it has a grey tag, tomorrow it will be 50% off and if it has a red tag it will be 75% off. That way there is always something on sale.

Me: Is there a way to know what things have which color tags?

Lady (like I don't know what colors are): It's the color of the tag. See? This one is grey.

Me: Well yeah, but I mean, is there some way to know what clothes will have which color tags? Like if I wanted to look for things with red tags, do they mean something?

Lady (like speaking to someone who doesn't speak English): It means it's 75% off. That's what the colors mean.

Me: ... Okay. ::gives up because she's finished ringing me out and there's a line behind me::

Perhaps I was unclear in asking if there was a code for the color of the tags, like grey tags are sweaters and red tags are high-waisted polyester grandma pants. But the moral of the story is: Volunteers of America has a 50% off everything day on the last Tuesday of every month. I bought six pieces of clothing for under six dollars. I call that winning. And of course, I brought back some photographic souvenirs. Enjoy.

Seven of the same ugly wig.

Haunting frog statue, circa the early 90's pastel era.

Portrait of the matador as a young man.

I did the modern version of 'flipping my calendar and finding the last Tuesday' so there's now a monthly reminder in my cellphone about the VOA sale.  I might have to go back sooner though, just to buy that painting so I can cross my sister-in-law off my Christmas shopping list.

Draggin' My Shoes, Please

Conversation with my boyfriend from today, via text message.


Me: Are you sad that I might go get Vibrams without you?

Justin: Nope cuz I have some.

Me: But mine will be prettier.

Justin: I don't do pretty. I do black.

Me: But mine will be prettier AND made of dragonhide.

Justin: Now I'm sad. Link me a picture.

Me:

Justin: It's nice.

Me: Can you read it or is the text too small?

Justin: Yep I can see. 

Me: And you laughed uproariously because I'm so hilarious?

Justin: Oh you did that?

Me: No, it's real. I'm just generally hilarious and you should be laughing about that.

Justin: Well I am.

Me: Good.


Disclaimer: No dragons were harmed in the making of this post. Or those shoes. Probably. I don't work for Vibram.


--- Later the same day, while in the throes of procrastination ---


Me: I just sent one of my college friends a message reminding him that I hate him. It's like I'm drunk, but really I've just leveled up to super-procrastinator.

Justin: Why that's pretty uncharacteristic of you.

Me: Not with Kyle. He's my arch-nemesis.

Justin: Why?

Me: Because I hate him. That's how archnemesisness works. Ask Batman.

Justin: Why do you hate him?

Me: Today, because of his mustache. Why are you pretending this makes any sense and not telling me to go do my other job?

Me: I'm blogging about how I don't know why you talk to me.

Justin: Do your work!

Me: Smooches?


Fun Fact: Some days I don't know why Justin talks to me. Or why anyone does for that matter. Probably because I'm made of awesome.

Other Fun Facts: I think I've been reading too many The Bloggess archives lately; I've been really sarcastic all day and now I'm writing a post about weird conversations I had with my boyfriend. Or maybe because this was one of the longest weeks ever at work and I have more stuff to do before I go to bed and I have to wait until tomorrow to have some Guinness. I saw a mosquito today. Eff that crap. Also, the toilet-scented bar across from my house has started their game of 'guess which song our band is butchering' early thanks to the nice weather. (It's "Sweet Child of Mine" right now, unfortunately.) Also, I don't want to do any of the several things I'm supposed to be doing. Also, I bought blue FiveFingers, not the pink ones in the picture. Still made of dragonhide though. Just the blue kind of dragons. Also, I overuse the word "also" pretty much all the time.

That's about enough of this. Thanks for stopping by!

(I have no idea about this song. I'm going to go with "Only Drunk People Will Cheer For This" by Nickelback.)

Cake Balls: Quasi-Vindicated!

While I prefer to call them cake "truffles" instead of "balls" because it sounds fancier, I would be lying if I said Andrea and I did not make several [hundred] semi-inappropriate ball-related jokes while making them. I'm sorry. It's how we roll. (See what I did there?)

In my last post on cake pops, you may recall me advising you to not make them, and saying I probably wouldn't do it again unless I really loved you. Well, that's the tricky part. NephewQ turned three last weekend, and his party was at Chucky Cheese, so I made these because A. I really love him, and B. they are bite-sized and travel-friendly. Plus, you have to admit that they're cute. So I gave cake balls another chance.

This is where the quasi-vindication comes in. I made some changes this time around, and it made the process go more smoothly, and the overall result better-tasting than last time too. Plus, it never hurts to have Andrea in your kitchen, alternating between baking and reading aloud from one of the worst children's novels ever written. (Don't read it.)

Andrea, in the midst of ever-so-helpfully coating the cake balls.

Here are the changes I implemented:
1. Use canned frosting. I know, I know, but it really is faster and therefore easier.
2. Crumble the cake in the food processor. Anyone that tells you to do it by hand wants your brain to explode. The super tiny cake pieces melded better with the frosting, making the texture more like a truffle and less like someone partially chewed your cake for you.
3. Do not put them on gorram sticks! If you want to make cake pops, this step is unavoidable. But if you're calling them truffles, no on expects the stick, or the Spanish inquisition.
4. Do not thin out the candy melts with oil. The snap of completely re-solidified white chocolate was a nice texture contrast, in my opinion. I also didn't color the melts this time, but that was for aesthetic reasons. Here, "aesthetic" meaning, multicolored sprinkles.
5. Throttle back the perfectionism. This might just be me personally, but since they didn't have to look like something else, I was only concerned with the coating not cracking, and getting some sprinkles to stick. Maybe not as impressive as robots, but hey, people still liked them.

Me and the finished cake balls, packed up and ready to party.

On Missing Andrew

Yesterday, thanks to the super-stalker powers of facebook, I saw that my friend (Vickie) commented on a post by one of her friends (Curtis), who I've only met a couple of times. It was about how Curtis started a blog called Letters to Kappus, consisting of letters, notes, or emails he would have sent to our mutual friend Andrew Kappus if he was still here to get them. So far, Curtis only has one post, but I broke down reading it.

It's so easy to feel alone with grief, because really, who else can truly understand what you're feeling when it's something so enormous? But reading his blog, I was reminded of all the lives Andrew influenced. My heart was with Andrew's family on his birthday and over the holidays, because I could imagine how obvious his absence was for them. And it's at least a little comforting to know I'm not the only one who hears random songs and instantly misses him; I know Vickie is right there with me. That certain places, or movies, of days of the year carry that echo for other people who loved him too.

Me and Andrew, at Carrie's wedding, 2008

I've written Andrew letters since last summer too, but mine are in real journals at home. I was inspired by Curtis' bravery in putting his out in the ether for the world to find if it ever goes looking. So I might periodically follow his example like I've done today, in case my words could ever help someone else. Ironically, today is the five year anniversary of the day we lost my Grandma K as well, so I'll leave you with some lyrics from one of her favorite songs.

I can only imagine,
when that day comes
and I find myself
standing in the sun.

I can only imagine.

Gratitude.

You guys. Seriously. This was the craziest (in a best-ever kind of way) day I've had in a while. Of course, I always knew Epbot readers were fabulous (citation, citation, citation) but so far I've just had the pleasure of being part of the fantastic masses. I randomly had the idea to draw the 'bot as a baby/chibi, and figured if it could make Jen laugh, that would be nice, since she was dealing with the break-in, the black-out, and the almost-end of CW. So I grabbed half an index card that was on my desk from another project, and started sketching on the back. Little did I know (it's third person omniscient) that drawing a wee 'bot would change so much.

It's not just that I got to feel internet-famous for a few hours, or that I totally geek'd out about 'talking' to Jen IRL, or that I sat stunned at my desk reading about myself on one of my favorite blogs. I did all those things, obviously, and they were amazing. (So, so amazing, I can't even express it properly.) However, what completely blows me away is the love from all of you. I was amazed to see how many people took the time to come over here and leave me comments, even on some of my other posts! So unexpected, and so heart-warming. See? You all even got me to use the word "heart-warming" for the first (and second) time ever. That's how much your kind words mean to me, that I would use a sappy word I generally avoid like the plague and clichés. So thank you. A thousand times.

The 'original' (that makes me laugh every time) is going to live with Jen, but just for the halibut*, here's the final vector version. And yes, I made the meter lower because he was younger. And that he hasn't grown into his antennas yet. I can't tell you how much I love that some of you got that, since I just thought it was funny.

*Here meaning, if I had known Jen was going to post this, I would have taken more time with it, and that I remembered that I forgot to add the rivets right after I sent it to her, haha.

Thank you again to all:
40+ comments (on Epbot, facebook, pinterest, and here)
80+ facebook and pinterest 'likes'
12 google+1s (fun fact: I don't know what that is)
1 fb-share (love you, mom!)
and especially to Jen for sharing my silly sketch with the blogosphere to begin with.

You all definitely made my day, probably my whole week, and maybe my whole month. Heck, if Firefox had a button for "bookmark this forever" I would totally use it. <3

Sketch: Baby Epbot

I randomly drew this just now. I was reading Epbot earlier and reloading repeatedly to see all the lovely, supportive comments on her most recent post. So I drew this baby version of her robot. That follows logically, right? Does it sounds conceited if I say I think he's really cute? Because I think he's really cute. And it's my first ever fan art. Unless you count making a Pikachu sweatshirt for Halloween.

Disclaimer: Epbot Robot belongs to Jen Yates. I just drew this wee version.

- - - - - THIS JUST IN! - - - - -

I posted this on the Epbot facebook page and Jen replied!

I about had a heart attack.
But! I don't have a scanner. So, I traced a picture of him in Illustrator. Now, he's in color. 

- - - - - AND THEN! - - - - -

She sent me an email! You can't see me smiling like a total weirdo, but I am.
Thanks for making me feel famous-on-the-internet for a second, Jen!

- - - - -
 
EDIT: Baby 'Bot now can be printed on t-shirts. :)

Best Ever Texas-Style Chili

Boyfriend brought a pound of ground venison to my house last weekend. Now, my family is not the hunting-type, so I've only had venison once and thought it tasted like cafeteria mystery meat. So, like any modern woman, I polled my facebook friends for what to make for dinner. Chili came in first with two votes, followed by tacos, then empanadas. Other suggestions included, "garbage" and "something you don't want to eat" which just made me laugh.

I used this recipe for inspiration and we went on our own from there. I love Fritos in my chili anyway, and any excuse to eat Fritos, and also, eating Fritos, so the Fritos and cheese were obviously the way to go. Justin said he added avocado and onions to his leftovers and it was even better. I'm eating my leftovers as I type this. Om nom nom.

As always, I'm guessing on the seasoning, because I rarely measure, or add more after I measured it, so, sorry about that. Can I just say that I really, really like this chili? Really.

Mmm, chili.

Best-Ever Texas-Style Chili
here, "Texas-style" meaning, without beans

2 lbs ground venison, beef, or both (we used one pound each)
1 14-oz can tomato sauce
1 10-oz can Rotel
1 4-oz can diced green chilies
1 t. dried oregano (Mexican would be best, but I ran out)
1 t. onion powder
1 t. garlic powder
2 t. ground cumin
2 T. chili powder
1/2 bottle beer (we used Bud Light)

Friends for your chili
Fritos (we like the Scoops)
Shredded cheese (we used cheddar)
Chopped avocado
Cilantro
Scallions or raw onion if you like that sort of thing

Cook the meat. Drain the grease if you want to or need to. Or don't, and live on the edge like us. Add the canned things, spices and beer. Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer for at least half an hour. Top with whatever you like on chili, eat with Fritos.


Here are the things I might change next time, just for the record:
1. Add real garlic and onions. It will add to the prep time, but real is usually better.
2. Add some heat: more green chiles -or- cayenne -or- a chipotle in adobo.
3. Try the masa-thickening method, not that it really needs it, just because it's interesting.

If you'd like, you can complete your Jordan & Justin Experience™ by drinking the other Bud Lights and watching Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World while you're eating, then serve crustless-pumpkin-pie-that-needed-more-sugar for dessert.