Tuesday, January 31, 2012

On Missing Andrew

Yesterday, thanks to the super-stalker powers of facebook, I saw that my friend (Vickie) commented on a post by one of her friends (Curtis), who I've only met a couple of times. It was about how Curtis started a blog called Letters to Kappus, consisting of letters, notes, or emails he would have sent to our mutual friend Andrew Kappus if he was still here to get them. So far, Curtis only has one post, but I broke down reading it.

It's so easy to feel alone with grief, because really, who else can truly understand what you're feeling when it's something so enormous? But reading his blog, I was reminded of all the lives Andrew influenced. My heart was with Andrew's family on his birthday and over the holidays, because I could imagine how obvious his absence was for them. And it's at least a little comforting to know I'm not the only one who hears random songs and instantly misses him; I know Vickie is right there with me. That certain places, or movies, of days of the year carry that echo for other people who loved him too.

Me and Andrew, at Carrie's wedding, 2008

I've written Andrew letters since last summer too, but mine are in real journals at home. I was inspired by Curtis' bravery in putting his out in the ether for the world to find if it ever goes looking. So I might periodically follow his example like I've done today, in case my words could ever help someone else. Ironically, today is the five year anniversary of the day we lost my Grandma K as well, so I'll leave you with some lyrics from one of her favorite songs.

I can only imagine,

when that day comes
and I find myself
standing in the sun.

I can only imagine.

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