I wrote this story back in April of 2009 for my college friend/arch-nemesis, Kyle, via Instant Messenger (hence the lack of punctuation and capital letters). His reply to it was, "That is a terrible story." As everyone knows, that really means he loved it.
once upon a time there was an eel named edwardo.
edwardo was very smart, but didn't like to apply himself to the task at hand (figuratively speaking, because, of course, everyone knows, eels don't have hands).
so one day, edwardo was watching underwater tv and talking to his friends online (typing with his face, of course, because, everyone knows, eels don't have fingers).
when suddenly, out of the blue came a terrible blood-curdling scream!
although, since they were underwater, it just sounded like blub blub blub.
which is less than terrifying, unless you're an eel and can understand the subtle nuances of those sounds and since you're not, you'll just have to take my word for it.
so, being the heroic eel that he was, edwardo rushed towards the sound, hoping it was not too late to be of service!
but it was.
furthermore, the fish that made the horrible sound that edwardo heard was totally and irrevocably dead, having been attacked by a bear.
little did he know, the bear was actually hungry for eel and the fish attack had been a trap all along.
so the bear scooped edwardo out of the water and bit him in half.
edwardo lived long enough to see his midsection devoured by a bear and to wish he had been at the library, and not shirking his duties.
so the moral of the story is, you should do your homework or a bear will trick you into being its dinner.
After I wrote this story, I found out that no one is named Edwardo. "Eduardo" is the more common spelling, among humans, at least.