On Missing Andrew

Yesterday, thanks to the super-stalker powers of facebook, I saw that my friend (Vickie) commented on a post by one of her friends (Curtis), who I've only met a couple of times. It was about how Curtis started a blog called Letters to Kappus, consisting of letters, notes, or emails he would have sent to our mutual friend Andrew Kappus if he was still here to get them. So far, Curtis only has one post, but I broke down reading it.

It's so easy to feel alone with grief, because really, who else can truly understand what you're feeling when it's something so enormous? But reading his blog, I was reminded of all the lives Andrew influenced. My heart was with Andrew's family on his birthday and over the holidays, because I could imagine how obvious his absence was for them. And it's at least a little comforting to know I'm not the only one who hears random songs and instantly misses him; I know Vickie is right there with me. That certain places, or movies, of days of the year carry that echo for other people who loved him too.

Me and Andrew, at Carrie's wedding, 2008

I've written Andrew letters since last summer too, but mine are in real journals at home. I was inspired by Curtis' bravery in putting his out in the ether for the world to find if it ever goes looking. So I might periodically follow his example like I've done today, in case my words could ever help someone else. Ironically, today is the five year anniversary of the day we lost my Grandma K as well, so I'll leave you with some lyrics from one of her favorite songs.

I can only imagine,
when that day comes
and I find myself
standing in the sun.

I can only imagine.

Gratitude.

You guys. Seriously. This was the craziest (in a best-ever kind of way) day I've had in a while. Of course, I always knew Epbot readers were fabulous (citation, citation, citation) but so far I've just had the pleasure of being part of the fantastic masses. I randomly had the idea to draw the 'bot as a baby/chibi, and figured if it could make Jen laugh, that would be nice, since she was dealing with the break-in, the black-out, and the almost-end of CW. So I grabbed half an index card that was on my desk from another project, and started sketching on the back. Little did I know (it's third person omniscient) that drawing a wee 'bot would change so much.

It's not just that I got to feel internet-famous for a few hours, or that I totally geek'd out about 'talking' to Jen IRL, or that I sat stunned at my desk reading about myself on one of my favorite blogs. I did all those things, obviously, and they were amazing. (So, so amazing, I can't even express it properly.) However, what completely blows me away is the love from all of you. I was amazed to see how many people took the time to come over here and leave me comments, even on some of my other posts! So unexpected, and so heart-warming. See? You all even got me to use the word "heart-warming" for the first (and second) time ever. That's how much your kind words mean to me, that I would use a sappy word I generally avoid like the plague and clichés. So thank you. A thousand times.

The 'original' (that makes me laugh every time) is going to live with Jen, but just for the halibut*, here's the final vector version. And yes, I made the meter lower because he was younger. And that he hasn't grown into his antennas yet. I can't tell you how much I love that some of you got that, since I just thought it was funny.

*Here meaning, if I had known Jen was going to post this, I would have taken more time with it, and that I remembered that I forgot to add the rivets right after I sent it to her, haha.

Thank you again to all:
40+ comments (on Epbot, facebook, pinterest, and here)
80+ facebook and pinterest 'likes'
12 google+1s (fun fact: I don't know what that is)
1 fb-share (love you, mom!)
and especially to Jen for sharing my silly sketch with the blogosphere to begin with.

You all definitely made my day, probably my whole week, and maybe my whole month. Heck, if Firefox had a button for "bookmark this forever" I would totally use it. <3

Sketch: Baby Epbot

I randomly drew this just now. I was reading Epbot earlier and reloading repeatedly to see all the lovely, supportive comments on her most recent post. So I drew this baby version of her robot. That follows logically, right? Does it sounds conceited if I say I think he's really cute? Because I think he's really cute. And it's my first ever fan art. Unless you count making a Pikachu sweatshirt for Halloween.

Disclaimer: Epbot Robot belongs to Jen Yates. I just drew this wee version.

- - - - - THIS JUST IN! - - - - -

I posted this on the Epbot facebook page and Jen replied!

I about had a heart attack.
But! I don't have a scanner. So, I traced a picture of him in Illustrator. Now, he's in color. 

- - - - - AND THEN! - - - - -

She sent me an email! You can't see me smiling like a total weirdo, but I am.
Thanks for making me feel famous-on-the-internet for a second, Jen!

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EDIT: Baby 'Bot now can be printed on t-shirts. :)