Insufficient

I feel like I should be doing more.
Writing more. Creating more. Living more.

I went back to the beginning of a blog I read, and when she was my age-ish and newly married, she was doing all kinds of things. Starting AND finishing paintings almost daily. Having art shows. Remodeling their house. And now she has two kids, is pregnant with her third, her family just moved and she's still painting and she just taught an online class I took. And it got me thinking about what I do all day. Sure, I work and I see my family and friends and stuff, but my creativity things have really fallen behind.

When I was in college, I spent hours everyday doing art stuff, because it was for class. We had three-hour classes and were expected to spend a lot of our own time in the studios as well. So we did. And it was a LOT of work. And I got stressed out sometimes, but it was also amazing.

You could look at the fact that I didn't have a job back then. That I didn't have bills to pay, that I didn't have to drive everywhere because of the buses and living on campus. You could say I had access to more things. Clay. Metal. Models. Teachers. Tools. I didn't have to keep a whole apartment clean. I didn't have to grocery shop.

But when it comes down to it, those are all just excuses. And excuses are LAME.

Sure, I can't do the things I did in ceramics, metalsmithing or sculpture in my little studio in my house. But that doesn't mean I can't do other things. So why don't I? Why I don't I make time to paint? I'm sure Amy would like me to finish the painting I started for her MONTHS ago, and is just too polite to tell me to get a move-on. I wanted to make something for my grandma before she went south for the winter and I didn't get around to it. And typing that made me remember how beige Grandpa & Marlene's house is and that I wanted to paint something for them too.

I have all these plans and no motivation.

I know part of the reason is that my house needs cleaned. But I have been lacking the motivation to do that too. I did one and a half sink loads of dishes last night. That's all. And I also cooked, so that dirtied a bunch of stuff too. There are crayons and crumbs on my floor. And tonight I'm going to go to mom and dad's to do laundry, so I won't be getting anything done around the house tonight either.

I did the math once and realized I spend nine hours of my day at work and if I get to bed by 10pm, that only leaves me with FIVE hours per day to do what I want or need to do during the week. Five. Forty working, five lunch breaks, twenty-five of everything else. (Not including weekends.) I don't know how people with kids and jobs and memberships to the YMCA don't go crazy. I feel like I have very little time to myself and I LIVE BY MYSELF.

Maybe I should make myself a schedule. Maybe I should make a list of all the things I want to get done in a week and then split them up between the days so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I've never been good at sticking to things like that, but maybe it's time for a change.