Friday, September 17, 2010

Nurturing Creativity & Be Bulletproof: idea2

For idea two, we were supposed to write down our "bullets" (things that have hurt us in the past, our fears, anything that has affected our creativity in a negative way) and then destroy them. Even though I've been told that before about bad things, I've never really bought that method. But I did it anyway. I grabbed some scrap paper the printer messed up and a red pen and ended up almost filling the page with things that have been said to me (well-meaning or not-so-much), about me, about my art, and what scares me when it comes to "being an artist." When I was done, I took a black sharpie to the paper, not looking at the words, not reading them again and just randomly scribbled on it. Then I got up, walked to the bathroom, and tore up the paper. Strips, then smaller strips, then pieces, all the while saying to myself, "I'm bulletproof. It doesn't matter what they think if you like it. It is what it's supposed to be." When I decided the pieces were small enough, I threw some in the trash, I sprinkled a handful into the toilet, and put the rest on a paper towel. Then I thought they could use some soap; I was going to get them wet to destroy the paper. So I wadded up the paper towel and torn up bullets and ran them under the sink. And a funny thing happened. The paper towel began to turn red from the ink I wrote the bullets in. And the more I got it wet, the less red came out of my hands. I was washing the bullets away. By the time there were no more suds coming from the towel, it was a light pink color all over, rather than white with vicious red spots. I was kind of amazed that it felt good. I even unwrapped the paper pieces and they were the same pink color. All you could really see was the black sharpie lines and some faded shapes that might have once been letters. I felt clean. They were gone -- really gone. You never see pain wash off your heart. But if you ever need to, this is the method I would recommend. And I wouldn't have found it without this class. Thanks Kal, so much. Two ideas in and it's already beyond worth the monetary cost.

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